Just a quick thought.

“What is the feeling when you're driving away from people, and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing? -it's the too huge world vaulting us, and it's good-bye. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies.””

So I'm on the bus, thus my thoughts are everywhere and I'm taking no time to really write well (thus, the last entry) but I have to acknowledge what a weird (but still great) place my life is at.

I just graduated college, moved to Spain to teach, lived in a tiny town totally isolated from my friends/family, came back, enrolled to get my Master's degree, had a Antonio (my student from Spain) come and live with me during my transitional period, and now I'm just getting back from an amazing week in Sonoma about to start my new job and first semester of school at..dun dun dun..Arizona State University. I can't even believe I've only been back for about 2 months. I also decided to run a marathon. Just to keep things interesting and hectic.

What a crazy ride.

I've been wrestling with the idea of moving back to the Bay area after I finish my Master's to live in San Francisco. It's been more of a home to me than anywhere else I've ever lived. The constant place amongst all the moves and life changes. I wish I could just live in Grandma's guest house at Seven Gates. Totally at peace, running through the Redwood forest, swimming in the Russian River..total peace. Grandma said she wanted to name "Seven Gates," "Casita Contenta" in her diary. It's so true..it's the most peaceful place on Earth. You can't get it until you are wandering through her massive, amazing garden full of every kind of plant imaginable. Several different rose gardens, statues from all over Europe, benches from Norway..it's just like..being in a fantasy world.

I forgot to bring my Camera this trip, I even remembered the battery, but of course, left the Camera. I'm a real winner at life sometimes. But, I was thinking, maybe the reason I didn't have my camera with me was because I needed to capture these moments in mental memories. Mental photos. Almost like a private memory for only me.

Life is definitely in motion. I can see things unfolding in front of me, classes starting, new job starting, student teaching, going to homecoming..etc..etc..but I haven't taken the full plunge into the rapid river. I'm still staring at it from the shore, tomorrow will be dipping my toe into the current, and then on Monday--I'll have flung myself, having faith I'll be a strong swimmer.

This life, my life, is definitely a snaking river. Full of bends and twists. Calm waters and rough rapids. I love it, and I have confidence no matter what happens, I'll keep myself afloat. (fingers crossed).


p.s: I had a weird thought brushing my teeth this morning. It came on clear as glass. When, if, I get married--I want to get married in my Grandmother's garden. Then another thought followed..Grandma is 95, 96 on November 15th. I don't even have a boyfriend. I'm pseudo emotionally unavailable...really apathetic towards Scottsdale douchebags.

Pan said I need to find a runner (hilarious..but made me wonder). She also told me, marry someone you like. She said that would sound strange--but she reiterated..the passion..that comes and goes..but you have to really like the person. Be with someone who shares your ambitions. She pointed out, "You can't be with someone who is afraid to cross the street..you're a traveler." She's been married to my adorable and quirky Uncle Howard for 51 years. I think her advice should be heeded.

"Love must be as much a light, as it is a flame".--Henry David Thoreau