Photos of my grandmother and mother in bandanas working in the garden (looking unbelievably chic and beautiful, amazingly), the old estate of "Los Arboles"--the addition of the guest home, etc. I also got to see photos of my grandmother and I just after I had been born. It's amazing--to see the way life unfolds. I'll scan the photos when I get home. They traveled to every country in high heels and dresses. I got the famous camel photo (contrast mine with it..almost painful) and some others. Their elegance is untouchable. I swear.
I also found several photos of my father. I don't like talking about my father very much--but I have to tell you, he is so handsome. There photos of my Mom and Dad before I was born, just after they had been married, and they were such a good looking couple. Almost tugs at your heart. My Aunt Pan came down from Sparks to spend some time with Grandma and me, and she was sharing so many fun stories. We sat there together, going through those photos, passports, and memories--it was a really meaningful to me. You know, to this day, it's always confused me why my mom was with my dad. I saw it, in those snapshots--Pan said my dad was such a charmer, and she says nobody could have known how things would transpire. I guess my Dad is really charming, handsome, and charismatic. What he isn't, is a father. Disappointing, isn't it?
Anyway, so in my bulging suitcase--I've got bangles, necklaces, photos, passports, it's nice to have these things around me--grandma loves that I'm into jewelry like she was/is. She's got amazing taste--to this day, she's quite the fashionista. I couldn't help but cry when I had to leave today. I love...love..love spending time with my Grandmother. She's so witty and fun. Mereisi kept apologizing that 2 days of my visit were spent in the hospital with her (she fell..I don't even feel like recounting the details of it) but after a couple of days she was released to come home..received dozens of compliments on the bouquet Mereisi brought from the garden) and I read "Emma" by Jane Austen to her. We sat there together from 8am to 9pm, making little jokes about the woman who would walk around in her hospital gown with her pink underwear hanging out openly (she was 82 I later found out and very, very sassy). Quite a lady.
So yeah, now i'm on the bus back from Guerneville to the Oakland Airport. Thank god they have wifi on the bus. I haven't written in my diary in awhile, but I found another one of Grandma's gardening journal and it made me realize how important it is to have notes on the daily happenings.
I got the job at the boys and girls club as the teen program coordinator. I'm really, really excited. I think it will reinforce what I'm learning as I get my Master's degree and do my student teaching. I applied to work in either the scottsdale unified school district or paradise valley school district. All these things are in motion, but I still feel like a bystander in the process of growing up. I've made all these things happen, but I still feel so distant from my decisions. Does that sound as strange as I think it does?
Everything that's transpired the past few months has reiterated my belief that everything happens for a reason. I really believe what's meant to be, will be. We just have to dot our i's and cross our t's. Like my family has always said, "A job begun is a job half done," likewise, "A job worth doing is a job worth doing well."
and just because...if I ever got a tattoo..it would be a line from this poem with Lenna and Grandma's initials----
Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
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