HELLACIOUS

Hellacious day. I hate admitting it but sometimes i get so frustrated with things--a horrible day. I lost my driver's license and have no other form of identification in New Mexico; go figure. This afternoon my mom and I went to the DMV and I cannot get a new mexico driver's license unless I take a DWI class..um hello but I already have a driver's license you deadpan dmv worker. Seriously--I know how to operate a vehicle, just give me a copy of my license STAT. PRONTO. TONIGHT!


Does everyone in new mexico have their brain in a vat?

It just added so much stress to the weekend worrying about having identification for the airport, finally the woman gave me a New Mexico ID card..yeah woop woop, but not really. Then my mom had a moment and started crying because she forgot the actual title for the acura--something is in the air.

We then went to lunch at the Wok which was alright and compared horrible coworker stories and then i went to La Posada to work and eventually leave 5 hours later with 13 dollars because I refused to take tables desiring to go home more than do something purposeless with my time. I really really really miss my friends, more than ever. It isn't as much fun going out without people who are super energetic and dynamic. Everybody smokes..that's hot. Megan and Val are really fun but to me here, monday is the same as saturday and I want to go out every chance I get. I just want to be around people outside of work or go shopping..yes. My roomies need to come immediately. lol

I just finished hanging up the pictures in my room and a lot of my art work is religious, i love gothic crosses and angels--i want to fine tune my ideals about religion and find some informative books to read about different types of religion and what not. I'm not sure if i'm really a true catholic or if I even have a place in religion but I need to find a center and soon--I feel all over the place with my thoughts and my attitude. Really over working at this point and I miss having my bestfriends around me all the time to go do anything and everything..it's a big adjustment this summer---independence is in reach but i'm not extending. I just need to regroup my thoughts, i'm sick of people treating me like a child and being condescending to me at work--sorry serving isn't my life posada; and sorry your job as a manager sucks but the stop talking to me like i'm 5 and sassing yourself around. OVER AND OUT

duh nuh nuh!!!

Alright so today was errand running day. I went to target and was so excited to be in a target that something overtook me and i ended up spending alot of time smelling detergent and fabric softener and finally settled comfortably with the familiar aloe febreze..i love it. Then i got new shampoo and conditioner which later ended up being 2 conditioners, blow dryer, some head bands and then i went to the mall and got new perfume and cute "pink" sweatpants that are actually yellow and some new shoes for work that I like but aren't really really my style. I wanted to get the punkrose ones but they had white on them and we can't wear white Well anyways I was at La Posada tonight and I worked with adrian who is actually really entertaining, and then i got called by San Fran to work tomorrow night ontop of my day shift..who wants to work that much? Not me. Also, instead of spending 2 weeks in San Francisco i'm just going for the weekend. To be honest i'm relieved that i'm working b/c it's a good reason not to have to stay in Lenna's house. I just miss her..and being around all her belongings without her being there is just too much. Is that selfish? I know my mom needs my help but it's too emotional, granted i'm sure it's hard for her as well.

This morning i went and worked out and enita was the instructor for spin, it was just her me and one other lady--so hard haha. you couldn't slack off b/c you're like a foot away from her and she would be like "Court, adjust your resistance" haha i was caught. But i felt so much more relaxed after working out..it's nice to have a stress reliever every now again. And randomly enough i'm in love with the Paris Hilton songs, i went to buy the cd this morning but couldn't find it so i don't think it's been released yet. alright well i'm going to go sleep in my nice snuggly clean bed. sleep tight!!

it's not easy being green!

I'm so tired, but when i tried to lay down all i could think about was how the little grouch gremlin inside of me came out and now my tummy is all upset. I try and be optimistic, and majority of my day i'm in a great mood but there is that other 2% and if i stop and think too much about things i get sooooo frustrated. Everything is just like out of my hands right now and i'm such a control freak and i feel so lost and confused on a day to day basis. I scheduled an appointment for an interview on Monday, forgetting that the movers are coming with the furniture and that my mom will need my help--i'm just so over this move thing--it's so overwhelming all the little details. I have no right to complain b/c my mom is dealing with scheduling and everything. idk what's wrong with me. I dont want to be bratty and uncooperative, but i just miss my friends so much and i miss having MY THINGS. You know, when it comes down to the root of my frustration--it's because i'm angry. I'm angry that i left all my friends and am in a place where i dont know one street from the next. I just feel so lost. idk, i'm getting all teary eyed and that's the worst. i dont want to cry about it, it won't get me anywhere and then tomorrow my eyes will be puffy, not that anyone would know the difference.

And then now i'm upset b/c i have spin at 9am and i'm going to be exhausted and then i'll be irritable all day, i just can't catch up on sleep and i get so emotional when i'm tired..thus this frustration. I just want my life back, stat, pronto, tonight. i'm annoying myself right now, i really don't have any room to complain about my life but here I am at freaking 1am bemoaning moving to a new state--GET OVER IT. God, insert a really long sigh of desperation here. Sometimes you just want to stomp your feet and cry and then smile to yourself after b/c you know you just let it out. But instead, i'm holding it in, sucking it up, and giving myself a stomach ache and my boyfriend an earful..goodness.

it's going to take 2 or 3 years of abuse..before i can leave with my cds!!

So obviously last night I couldn't sleep at all, but this morning i woke up at 7:45 (i knooooow!) and i had some green tea and cereal and then i was out the door and got there early to warm up and it was really nice. It's good to wake up to happy music and a really ambitious work out. Everybody is so nice at my gym, but my favorite people are these 2 older ladies who attend a couple spin cycling classes a week, how impressive right? We talk about gardening and what plants grow here and where i should take classes--lol i feel like i have live in spin cycling grandma's.

As usual i'm listening to Dane Cook right now, and i remember when i was at work i saw a couple that HATED eachother. The woman is reading at the dinner table, he's sitting there like desperate for another beer but afraid to ask b/c you can tell she has him nut whipped. It's hilarious, i hear mumbles and i hear grumbles about what he can and cannot have to eat. She's just sitting there reading and he's looking around as if he is in a death trap--they had probably been married for years. Some part of me finds that hilarious--the rigamortis death grip, argument over every little thing and you get off the phone and you're like UNBELIEVABLE!!! Every relationship has those moments where no matter what the other person is saying you're like, just shut up already. Haha sometimes you just have to laugh about it. But yeah i'm deifnitely feeling better and loving my endorphins. But i need to shower b/c i'm sweaty, ick. adios muchachos!

and time stands still, it's at a picture

So I just got home from work---it's a cute little restaurant called San Francisco Bar and Grille and it's in the plaza. I really like everyone i work with, tonight the hostess Kelsi and i were sharing party and drunken moments; I feel like she kind of needs someone, as cliche as it sounds, to show her the way and take her under their wing. She's a little bit scandalous. She had a party at her house and woke up the next morning butt naked with writing all over her--i mean seriously, wouldn't a normal person not be mortified? but she just kind of told me unphased, and the other servers/managers make fun of her and call her a slut but that kind of behavior warrants major insecurity or a lack of direction. IDK I'm not trying to judge her or anything; i think more than ever you should do what makes you happy but how could something like that amuse you, i'd feel like an idiot. but then again maybe that's the me who has learned from my own stupid mistakes talking.

I talked to Desiree tonight on my "Sleepy hollow" esque walk home. I need to take a picture of my walk from the plaza. The trees are whispering with wind and the leaves make frightening shadows all over the wall and the cobblestone makes an eerie noise under the weight of your body--with all the gothic elements combined it terrifies me and i'm ready for a masked marauder or headless horseman to come out of the iron gates at any moment. I know this sounds bizarre, but I have a very vivid imagination. the average person would probably walk down the street and admire the sweet sound of the leaves rustling and the full moon overhead with stars dotting the sky; but instead i'm expecting Cujo to try and eat me and then spit out my bones. But that's neither here nor there; desi made me feel very homesick. Erin's bday dinner is on friday and i wish i was there, and brian's birthday was on tuesday and it would have been fun to take him out to dessert or something; but instead i'm in santa fe fearing for my life on the walk home lol.

I feel like Spin Cycling is school, and if i'm late the teacher is upset. This morning when my alarm went off at 8am I just stared at it and took a deep breath; in total turmoil whether or not I should go--but honestly my legs were so sore and I had calve cramps..so i decided to take a day off and sleep in. I ended up staying in bed til 10:30 and then getting up and hanging out for the rest of the day. I felt so guilty like Bruce was going to mark me off on his favorite list or something. But I swear i'm going to go tomorrow, it's just that the 9am class is too early but for some reason the 9:30 class is tolerable. odd. But after spin cycling i'm going to do a quick arm work out and then come home and finish packing up my clothes + odds and ends and clean up the bathroom b/c we are officially moving into our new house This may not seem like a big deal but i'm really really excited. We met with the previous owners during closing and they left numbers for plant nurseries, pond cleaners, the propane dealers, dsl and the satellite etc. Both my mom and I were so relieved and overwhelmed--there is so much more responsibility in this house than in arizona. My mom is really feeling burdened by taking care of the 9 pond fish (thank god they are relatively self sustaining and live off the pond plants) but we have to change the filter and monitor the water temperature etc...i just hope zoe and pax do not eat them. The other thing is that recently a virus spread to alot of Santa Fe trees (i'll learn the name) and the owners cut down 100 trees in our backyard alone, that's ALOT of trees. Even so, off the porch there are atleast 15 trees that need to go. It's really sad, when you are driving on the highway you look out the window and see gray gnarled trees, as if a fire went through, but in actuality it was a little bug that eats the roots of the plant and kills it. I'm also really apprehensive about the wildlife. Take into consideration my imagination; but i'm really worried about zoe and pax confronting the coyotes. My street has 5 houses on it, and our neighbors have a cat named Spanky who comes to our house (and the other neighbors) for treats, and the previous owners said "Anything without paint on it is a treat" and he's a very obese kitty, even this morning when my mom was there she fed him a package of tuna--haha obviously it doesn't matter who lives there. but anyways, our courtyard is his safe haven and he goes there to escape wild animals but the owners were in our kitchen and saw spanky dart across the window followed by a coyote, and then he went to see if he heard "death noises" and it was quiet so he kept waiting and then spanky came running, followed by 2 neighborhood dogs chasing the coyote! haha spanky was smart enough to go get help from the dogs (it's the whole territorial thing) and the coyote was more of a threat than the cat was. Idk if zoe and pax are that smart, and poor zeus might as well be a cat--i dont see him being very aggressive. but either way the first night we are there i'm taking zeusypooh around the perimeter or our property and having him pee on every single tree to scare away the coyotes--they dont know he's harmless. He also has to learn how to use a doggy door. He can't go in the backyard b/c of how open it is so he can go from the coyote yard, through the garage, and then into courtyard. I'm just nervous b/c it's so different. I know i'm going to jump off the deck in fear that a wild, rabid, hungry dog is waiting to eat me underneath. i'm already scaring myself. pathetic.

Exciting news!! John is coming through tomorrow from phoenix on his way to colorado, i'm so happy to have a familiar face--we're going to get lunch and i'll show him around santa fe. I think it'll be an interesting place to check out--hopefully it won't be as windy tomorrow as it was today and that he won't get lost lol--b/c idk my way around AT ALL, so i'm not help. My mom is out of town on business tonight and tomorrow so i feel all lonely and kind of isolated b/c idk how to drive anywhere but el gancho and to the plaza. I need to go pick up my pictures from walgreens, who has been calling me incessantly--i couldn't figure out who it was b/c idk any 505 numbers (4x in one day) and then go to the post office to resend my birthday packages. It's just kind of alot going on b/c we're in the process of moving and what not. The furniture is coming on monday along with the dsl guy and the dish tv guy. hopefully it will go smoothly. And then, drum roll, i'm going to albuquerque on friday and flying out to see baby til monday! I cannot wait, i just can't wait for a kiss and the biggest hug ev-er. I just wish i could sleep next to him at night, the only setback of not being at school--there is just a certain comfort sleeping next to someone you love, it's my favorite thing

Tonight @ work there was an 80s themed bachelorette party and they were sooooooo cute, she's getting married on Saturday (there are like 4 beautiful churches within a mile of eachother in the plaza) and it reminded me of the girls and our 80s theme party and I missed them in that moment. Everyone at work thinks i'm like super innocent and wholesome--haha it makes me laugh b/c i know my roomies know otherwise, lol it just made me look forward to our parties @ the exchange and having all our friends over again..i'm so happy!!! Also, the busser--Rodrigo, is the cutest most adorable sweetest man i've ever met. I just want to hug him. Tonight we talked all in spanish about his children and when he lived in El Salvador, it made me miss my brother and think of him--but it felt good to talk about him and his accomplishments, aw i just love him. But it was cute b/c Rodrigo has 2 children--Isamar (roll the r's!!) and Nelson Ivan, but it sounds so beautiful in spanish and he had never heard it pronounced in english as "eye-van" and he was telling all the other cooks about it. It's funny b/c when i leave a restaurant i generally miss the kitchen staff or feel sad to leave the bussers..i just love talking to them and they are always in such a good mood and so upbeat about life; it reminds me that i need to really take a step back from the material aspect of life and focus on the heart. It's hard, because I really like nice things and I love the things my family has given me, but at the same time it's not important how much money you have or what kind of jeans you have on--sometimes I realize that i'm pretty spoiled and other times nothing is enough--but I think when i'm being bratty and wanting more and more and more, it's generally b/c there is something going on inside and i feel that buying nice things makes me feel better. I guess i'm like every girl in the world. Unfortunately we all forget that there is mass genocide in places like Darfur where people are being killed for their heritage--it's so depressing and it kind of puts spending 180 dollars on hair into perspective, i should be donating that money. I feel so stupid and selfish right now. I can't wait to be out of college and actually go to Africa and make a difference--put my money where my mouth is. But alright, if i'm going to spin in the morning i need to head to bed. Sleep tight,