Random musings.

Quote for thought:

 “On a deeper level you are already complete. When you realize that, there is a playful, joyous energy behind what you do.”

 -Eckhart Tolle

In my mind, I'm a photographer.  I stop during the day and I think, "Now this would be an incredible shot." I envision myself with a fantastic Nikon, stopping strangers to capture life in 3 x 5. I wish I could be one of those people who wears many hats, I would be a photographerchefdecoratingrealestateagentsocialworkerpsychologistseahorsetrainertravelingjournaliststepfordhousewifeprofessorofenglish extraordinaire.


As a photographer, I would show off my work in a glamorous photo wall--mine would be still shots of my travels done something like this...

I've been feeling antsy lately, you know that feeling that causes you to look over your shoulder and wring your hands when you have a minute to yourself? I'm feeling lost in the shuffle of life.  I probably sound like the typical bourgeoisie young adult, craving some sort of spiritual purpose.  I'm not living up to my potential.  Stuck in neutral.  I'm not challenged. Stagnant. Yuck. I want change but I can't say how much change.  I found this program, International Educators for Africa--my hankering for travel led me to look at Chile, Thailand, Korea, and Africa.  I think about my life and what I want in the next few years--I want to settle into a routine but also experience new adventures.  A walking checkerboard of wants and needs that cancel one another out.  I'm in a weird place of transitions...when will I be okay with not having it all figured out? 

"There is not one big cosmic meaning for all, there is only the meaning we each give to our life, an individual meaning, an individual plot, like an individual novel, a book for each person." -Anais Nin

In these times where I work myself into a mental frenzy (that ends up being nothing but a passing phase),  I turn to books like "The Art of Happiness" by The Dalai Lama and "Don't Sweat The Small Stuff." I also turn to culinary exploits.  My goal this weekend is to make Lemon Cream Pie:

Frozen Lemon Cream Pie
This is one of the easiest and tastiest pies I have ever made. If you're not the best baker, just try making this pie and you will fool everyone into thinking you are an award-winning pie maker.

INGREDIENTS:
(For the crust)
2 Cups finely crushed graham cracker crumbs
1/3 Cup sugar
1/4 Teaspoon kosher salt
8 Tablespoons (1 stick) unsalted butter, melted

(For the filling)
One 14-ounce can sweetened condensed milk
4 Extra large egg yolks
2 Tablespoons grated lemon zest
1/3 Cup sugar
3/4 Cup fresh lemon juice

(For the topping)
Whipped Cream
Candied Lemon Peel

METHOD:
For the Crust 
Preheat oven to 350°F.

In a medium bowl, combine the graham cracker crumbs, sugar and salt. Stir in butter.

Transfer to a 9-inch tart pan. Evenly press the bottom and up the sides to make a crust (I use a metal measuring cup to press the crumbs).

Bake 12 Minutes. Let cool completely.

For the Filling
In a large bowl, combine the condensed milk, egg yolks, sugar, lemon zest and juice. Whisk until all the ingredients are completely blended. Pour the filling into the cooled crust.

Freeze for at least 2 hours.

For the topping
Top with whipped cream and garnish with candied lemon peel.

8 Servings
Inactive prep time: 30 minutes to cool crust, 2 hours to freeze
Cook time: 12 minutes

Baby steps, right? The other thing is that I'm not sure if it is intuition or skepticism--I keep waiting for the rug to be pulled out from underneath me in my current dating situation.  So far, so good.  I just am waiting for 'the catch.' It seems in life that there is always a catch.  In the past it always ends up being something--or perhaps, rather, a case of something being someone else.  I'm the type of person where if I'm dating you than I'm not dating other people...when does that become the standard? I also know that if I'm dating someone and I find out they are dating someone else I'm immediately turned off.  Ick.  Deep breaths and baby steps.  And faith that my romantic life will not end up as haphazardly as my book. Can things really just be good and normal and not shady? Here's hoping. I'm exhausted from the dating dilemmas of 2010.