Too many of us are not living in our dreams because we are living in our fears
You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith.
The one permanent emotion of the inferior man is fear - fear of the unknown, the complex, the inexplicable. What he wants above everything else is safety.
Fear is the highest fence
If a man harbors any sort of fear, it percolates through all thinking, damages his personality and makes him a landlord to a ghost.
Fear: False Evidence Appearing Real.
I have accepted fear as a part of life - specifically the fear of change.... I have gone ahead despite the pounding in the heart that says: turn back.
“Every man is afraid of something. That’s how you know he’s in love with you; when he is afraid of losing you.”
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it…. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
It has to make you laugh. I get what I want, handed to me by fate or whatever stroke of luck you want to call it--and it terrifies me. Not because I'm afraid of commitment, the future, love, or whatever else....but that I'm afraid no one, me, gets to be this happy. It's like I woke up and decided to self-destruct before it could be taken. Bracing myself before the rug gets pulled from under me, removing my shoe before the other one drops. I'm afraid this isn't mine to keep. How can I breathe easy when I'm afraid that each breath is closer to depleting the oxygen in the room?
I cringe because I've thought about all the snakes I've had in my life. Hiding in the grass I allowed to become overgrown. Why did I sit idly by? Letting myself not see what was in front of me. I'm so tainted by that feeling of being bitten by something I brought on myself. I was never capable of walking away from my Dad..but what it is about these other people that makes it so easy? Why can't I feel nothing like them. It takes so much for me to cut ties, but I see people do it so freely without a second thought. That's what makes me really afraid--that people are capable of such great deceit, that they can inflict so much hurt when overcome by selfishness. I'm afraid not of what I am capable of, but rather, what I am not capable of.
I sat in an ivory tower--looking down on heartbreaks..when now I've had a glimpse, a brief stab of what it could be like to lose the one thing you want to count on. People, relationships are not infallible. Perhaps I've been so afraid to lose myself in something, someone profound because in the back of my mind..i'm aware that it could be lost. I hate that I feel like I need to be okay without you. I don't want to be without you. That's my biggest fear. I'll self-destruct in a desperate attempt to be okay..without you.
I read something the other day in the Le Love blog..and it struck a chord with me, maybe it will with you too:
And my eyes shut just long enough for me to see you. I saw your hands, but not your face. I saw how you would feel, but not how you would look. Between their yells I heard you whisper something that made sense. Your hands, your voice, gave me back 23 years. The only settling we can speak of now is the way the sea has settled beneath me. The way the tips crashed and spun and now sleep calmly on their sea floor.
Settled. Not settling.
I wouldn't want you to ever think that what we have is unoriginal. That how I feel about you comes from a need to settle down because that's how people think these days between the gap of 23-25. That falling in love, getting married, and settling are what we are supposed to do. I never felt that way--in fact I always felt that there was this impending crash, because I didn't see that for myself. I pulled back from you, you said you felt it in the beginning, I did that because something in me innately knew that this would be big. Before I could be with you, I had to be able to be with myself. That meant ridding myself of the snakes, removing the overgrown brush--so I could see you. Maybe the memory of that mess keeps me from seeing clearly. Because, I'm here..and I just want to see you--without the flashes of the past obscuring you.
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