Dear John letter to Fear.

Dear Fear,

You have found a way under my skin. In all my steps forward, you stay with me somehow. You, my shadow, stay far enough behind that I forget about you..but given the right circumstances..I can't separate your darkness from myself. You make me think I'm smaller than I am.

You are holding me back. Why do you want me to be less than I could be? It must be your own insecurities, needing someone to empathize and relate, you suck me in with your poetic words and rational impulses. You make me want to give up when I know I should just push a little harder..a little more. I fear you, I fear failure, I fear succeeding..I fear...me without you. You keep me from myself.

After 23 years together, ups and downs, you know me better than anyone else. You know the ins and outs of all my charades, my expressive eyes when words seem too much, the way my mind goes 1,000 miles per hour when I'm seemingly quiet, how lightening both scares and mesmerizes me, that nothing exposes me more than tears, and how, this life, is easier alone than the idea of being abandoned. You know how to keep me from the things that I secretly want most. The thing that would make me most vulnerable.

You tell me I'm safer alone, that doing nothing is better than finding out I could fail, that pride is better than foolishness, that silence is better than bold response, and most importantly, that taking a chance on the unknown will make me weak.

So beloved Shadow, it's time for me to stand alone. To be who I am--without any delusions or implied ideas. To be--imperfect, irrational, risky, outspoken, original--me. However flawed and fateful this life will be, atleast I will know my true reflection--you cannot keep me anymore.



"The most important thing to remember is this: To be ready at any moment to give up what you are for what you might become."


“Live every moment in the present. Do it. Risk it. Buy it if you love it. Loving well takes practice, delicious practice. If it feels good, it must be good.”

"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing."

"We're so arrogant, aren't we? So afraid of age, we do everything we can to prevent it. We don't realize what a privilege it is to grow old with someone. Someone who doesn't drive you to commit murder or doesn't humiliate you beyond repair. "