Man's best friend.

I'm sitting here on pause. I wanted to write something to ease my mind about my dog, but..

So as I was feeling elated that I found a school that is a perfect fit for me--I am starting as a Spanish teacher at a really great k-8 school in Cave Creek..Antonio called me over because Zeus was seeming to have something like a stroke. I froze, cradling this big dog in my arms just going into Crisis mode. I told Antonio to get my shoes and Zach to grab the car keys. Zach carried Zeus into the car, in a complete panic, and we drove him to the nearest Vet clinic. I was calming my younger brother, telling him to try and speak calmly and pet Zeus. The pain twisted his face and he started to cry. As much as I wanted to start crying too, I told him it's going to be okay and found myself holding it together, somehow. I finally kind of get it--why our Moms are so calm in stressful/scary situations--it's because they are looking out for us, worrying about us before them. I didn't want my brother to get scared so I tried to stay calm. Of course, after I dropped them off in the front of the Emergency, I did the worst, most haphazard, parking job of my life and ran inside.

There's something about seeing your pet like that--I held him on the scale, studying the technicians at the vet's office--almost evaluating their capabilities. We sat in the office waiting for the doctor, three kids just crying and worrying over their pet. It occurred to me that as traumatizing as it is for me to be there, this was probably a normal spectacle for them. We also noted that their are tissues in the office, conveniently located for the heartbroken parents of pets.

I started thinking about how long we've had Zeus, he's 13 years old. We got Zeus when I was about 10 years old and he has been with me through everything. I've chased him on hot streets in the summer when he would go on a Wild Ride, pretended to be a cow girl in a hat standing over his back, dressed him up for Halloween, watched him stretch happily whenever I would stop and scratch his belly (which is about 6x a day), cried in his fur when I was sad, used him as a body pillow, caught him rolling around in my bed when he thought we weren't home, had him sit in my lap whenever I watch TV, secretly fed him scraps under the dinner table (like every member of my family)--he's been such a big part of my family, he is my family. He even has tolerated Bella joining our family..which speaks volumes to his character.

This is hard. We have these animals that are so much a part of us, and I wish they could be with us forever. The worst part is not knowing what's wrong, not knowing what they need. But just like people--their eyes are so expressive, and you know, somewhere deep inside when they are sad or happy. I hated leaving him at the emergency clinic. I hate waiting for them to call me. I hate not being able to take care of him myself. It's the helplessness that gets you. It's having to make the hard decisions.

Think good thoughts for us.