Firstly, you must know that when I came back from Spain, I was the only single girl in the group. Luckily, I had my newfound independent attitude in my back pocket. My only other single friend was MIA with Hepatitis A.
For Hep A friend's sake, who is tired of the nose scrunch and disgusted face when she answers why she can't drink alcohol for a year (yes, a year). It's serious-- we must correct a rampant misconception. Hepatitis A is nothing like Pamela Anderson's STD. Hep A is contracted via contaminated food or drinking water. Usually this is common in third world countries--but she got it in Scottsdale of all places. It's preventable via vaccine--think about the importance of hand washing and hand sanitizer.
Alright, moving on.
So I was slightly salty at the idea of being a +1 to my coupled friends. Fortunately, my friends are fantastic at juggling work, relationships, friends and family. I apologize to any of you singletons who are buddied up with PDA, repeat "we're staying in" offenders.
For my welcome home party, we hit the streets of Scottsdale with class and capers. The fact that we drove off with a gas pump is neither here nor there. Needless to say the night was epic, I had so much fun with my friends that I didn't even have time to take note of any guys in my vicinity. For one of the first times in my life I was oblivious to the rampant douchebaggery of Old Town Scottsdale. No primadonna's with over gelled hair, too tight jeans, and ridiculous shoes..because they are..caught my eye.
As I was acclimating to my grown up role as the "single friend"--something strange happened. D's boyfriend broke up with her out of nowhere. In fact, he pulled the biggest douchebag card ever, "I'm anxious and bored." My first reaction was to tell her, "He's bad in bed, has no personality, and rocks the holier than thou attitude with no goods to back it up." BUT, I opted for the more supportive, "I hated him from the beginning. You're better off." We sat at happy hour with a group of girlfriends, listening to the things we always tell eachother, "Take this time to take care of yourself and not have to worry about a guy."
We say all these things, but in truth, the brutal bottom line is that being single is a huge adjustment for a perpetual relationship person. We all agreed that waking up and going to bed are the times you feel that bittersweet ache. But I promise, being able to be on your own is the most important thing a girl can learn. That's when dating becomes on your own terms instead of haphazardly waiting for some guy to call. Nobody wants "some" guy, it's better to wait for "the" guy. No asshole, co-dependent, baby talking, cheap guys need apply when you're content on your own. God I have somehow managed to sound like an angry girl anthem. I literally mean nothing bad by it or have any bitterness towards guys, just "those" guys.
The real shocker is just a couple days later, my other friend was broken up with abruptly. So what's going on? When did it become okay to break up with someone out of nowhere? Don't make anniversary plans you don't intend to keep.
We're big girls now, understanding feelings change, things change..and some people NEVER change.
So here is some break up etiquette:
1. Don't be an asshole
2. Don't do it over text message or e-mail
3. Don't sleep with them within a week of a breakup..shady.
4. Don't mention ice cream.
5. Don't pull the friend's card. Nobody wants to be your friend right after a break up.
6. Don't pull the ever seductive disappearing act (I'm guilty of that too, we all are).
7. Bestfriends are off limits.
That's all I can think of for now..let me know if you have any more break up rules to enlighten the population.
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