Desperate Housewife

"I would be content being a housewife if I could find the kind of man who wouldn't treat me like one."

Emancipation: the act or process of freeing someone from the restraint, control, or power of another.

How does the word of the day always manage to fit into my day perfectly?

After cleaning the kitchen, going to the supermarket, baking my third batch of brownies, slicing vegetables and making pico de gallo, I ended up cooking a dinner for 3 british boys that I didn’t get to eat... because there wasn’t any left for me. I didn’t even get so much as a thank you. Will felt terrible when he realized his friends had finished off all the fajitas before I even got a chance to eat. I said it wasn’t a big deal, I didn’t want to make it more awkward than it already was. Neither of them even seemed to notice. My mind went into overdrive as I finished washing their dishes..I officially am thanking God that women have been emancipated from the expected role of homemaker.

Thinking back to the cliche images of women from the 50s holding a fresh cup of coffee: they are wearing a dress with heels, apron, uptight hairdo and a smile plastered on their face. I finally get it. I just don’t think for me, as the daughter of a strong single mother, the kitchen is a satisfying place for me. It has seemed obvious to me my entire life, but for a brief moment tonight--I could picture my life as an under-appreciated wife and mother.

My heart immediately began to thump as I thought about all the meals my mom had cooked that I had felt it necessary to complain about. After packing my lunch in the morning, dropping me off at school, working all day, picking me up, cooking dinner, and doing my laundry--I wish I could go back in time and be more helpful and appreciative. My mother is and always has been, absolutely amazing.

I think that is an aspect of my relationship with my father that made me most resentful--when it came to something needing to be done, I was always called upon before my brother was. I remember the last time I saw my Dad when he took my brother and I to dinner and he needed ketchup, “Courtney, go ask the waitress for ketchup.” I wanted to say “I’m not the one who needs ketchup, am I?”


So, yes, there is part of me that gets a weird sense of enjoyment from cleaning a house, cooking dinner for the people I love and nurturing those around me--but there is also an equally important part of me that wants to be appreciated and looked at as an equal. Today I had decided that I was going to take the butano tank around the corner to get refilled at the shop. Just as I was lugging it across the apartment and out the door, Will came home and insisted on carrying it to the store for me. I had wanted to do it, because what happens if it needs to be changed and Will’s not around? I just don’t like relying on anyone--not even for something as basic as carrying a heavy item. It became even more apparent when we were walking back from the grocery store and Will said he would hold onto the heavier bag while he waited for his friends at the train station on our walk home. I said..”Just give it to me, I’m going home anyway.” And he said, “Well..it’s pretty heavy. I’ll just hold onto it.” I started thinking about all the times I carried several bags of groceries up the stairs in my apartment, because I have a weird thing about making two trips. Will eventually gave up the grocery bag begrudgingly and I felt that although Will was fulfilling the role of a proper gentleman, I wouldn’t be myself if I submitted to stereotypical gender roles. I am perfectly capable and willing to carry a grocery bag. Maybe it has nothing to do with gender roles, maybe it just has more to do with me being incredibly stubborn and sometimes overly independent.

Will is always really considerate and helpful, however sometimes I think he thinks me doing things by/for myself is..strange? I might be totally wrong--i’m not well versed on gender roles in London. I think it’s more than okay for me to do things for myself. Most girls complain that boys are not traditionally considerate enough (opening the car door, pulling out your chair..etc)--so at what point did chivalry turn into being condescending? Am I just misplacing baggage from my relationship with my father onto men acting like gentlemen? Is offering to do things for a woman belittling, or is it just that we aren’t used to chivalry anymore? I would argue it’s both. Granted, I think I am much too tainted by the condescension of my father to make any decision on the subject without being biased. Either way, I am really lucky that Will is my roomate and not his friends.

To conclude, next time your mother or the woman in your life does something sweet and considerate--be sure to say thank you.

Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backwards and in high heels.