Deep thoughts at 4:30am..not

 It occurred to me why i'm so secretly frustrated--i'm just ready to be active and moving towards something.  Productive.  Challenged?

I'm a bull in a China shop...and it stinks. 

I got an e-mail from Pilar, my bilingual coordinator in Cordoba, and she is so sweet--she sent me websites to organize my train/bus arrangements from Madrid to the city.  She may or may not be in town (it's Holiday) but someone will be there to meet me and take me to the other learning & language culture assistant's flat.  I'll feel strange staying in someone's home without them being there.  I guess i'll know what it's like to be a burglar..in a harmless way of course. 

I'm trying to figure out if it will suit me better to be in the actual city of Cordoba, or Posadas where my school is, just a few miles west of Cordoba.  Will (the other assistant) lives in Posadas, but Pilar lives in Cordoba.  To be honest, i'm not sure I could keep up with Spanish night life.  I wish I could predict where i'll be 2 months from now..  February 15th? I'm going to miss lots of things from home, my people in particular.  But i'll also miss my comfy bed..it's the best.  I'll miss Smoothie King.  My closet. I'll also miss television..mostly t.v  in english. Thinking about it too much unnerves me. 

Anyways, this insomnia is pretty much out of control.  I was tossing and turning listening to Bella snore and grunt in her sleep.  Confession--I sleep around her. I sleep in a ball anyway..so I'll consider myself a courteous sleeper, instead of an idiot.  

Wilson, you'll appreciate this--it's 4:18 am.  I'm typing in the dark, thinking about working out.  Why? Well, today was the first time in a really long time i've been intimidated at the gym.  Gold's Gym is really..macho?
Especially in Scottsdale, it's a ton of body builders and power lifters.  The few women who work out there are really really cut and muscular. I am usually the only girl in the huge weight area..sometimes i'm painfully self aware of the low female ratio. For instance, today was legs.  Here was my routine,  (i'm including random pictures..because I can.)

1. 10 minute maximum incline walk on the tread mill to warm up.

2. Deadlifts -- 5 sets of 10 repetitions . Today was super uncomfortable because I had nothing to set the bar on --I do mine from lower on the ground to get a better overall workout-- and I had to do it from the actual ground today.  Just...awkward..in general unless you have 45 lb plates on each side..I didn't. 

3.  Barbell squat--4 sets of 10.  Today, since I do the deadlifts in front of the squat 

rack already--.Men kept coming up and doing bench press behind me, so i felt like my butt was just right there.  So awkward!! A little space please?

4. Hack-Squat --4 sets of 10.  

5. Stiff legged dead lifts-

-I used a 60lb bar for 4 sets of 10, but once again--felt front and center; there was nowhere to go to have my own space so I had to do them by the bar rack, which is conveniently infront of everything. then to make things WORSE, I couldn't lift the 60lb bar to the top spot on the rack, so I had to rearrange the lighter ones from the bottom to the top just to be able to put it back.  FAIL.

5. Lever Seated calf raise--4 sets of 15

6. Squats on BOSU Balance ball--6 sets of 20

--this is where the work out go KIND of awkward.  I had to get my balance on the ball by holding the hack-squat or the mirror at first, then I would do sets of 20..i would find myself kind of bouncing on it when i was done, like a little trampoline..then i would remember i'm at the gym infront of a wall size mirror. painful. 

7. Seated leg press.
This is my favorite because I can do about 200lbs. But, I also like it because i'm in my own space. My own little area designated with these. lol, that sounds bizarree. However..this guy was kind of standing there..HOVERING. I told him I only had 1 more set and he was all dramatic "ahh..I was looking forward to resting" --well then why are you hovering?! 

8. Leg Curl.

Perhaps the easiest..but I just really liked this picture. 

9.  Wall Sits

I do about 3 sets, 30s, 60s, 120s. Today I did it at the end instead of inbetween sets..my legs were pretty dead.

In my defense about the self-aware thing..I think I was just having an awkward day.  Do you ever have those days where you feel like everyone is just staring at you? Like your afraid you have pen on your face or something strange?  I hate those days.  Today was definitely one of them. Normally when I'm at the gym I'm in my own bubble and no one can touch me, it's where I feel very relaxed.  No matter how stressed you are, you can increase the speed on the treadmill or stairclimber--work it out :) The other great thing about the gym is that you choose how hard it is.  You can have a great work out or a bad one, depending on your mentality. Plus, listening to my gym playlist makes me happy--it's everything from Britney Spears/Rihanna to Atreyu/Rob Zombie  .  I'm sure tomorrow will be better.  I think sometimes I just let myself get intimidated by the massive guys there.  I couldn't tell you really why.  I've always called the machines I use "big boy" machines.  Honestly, most of my girlfriends feel uncomfortable doing alot of the stuff I do.  I guess I understand--I had to make my guy friends show me how to do everything with the right form until i felt comfortable to do it on my own.  I think personal trainer's are really valuable; i've come back 100x better since I was sick.  I really appreciate what my body can do more than ever, I never want to feel that debilitated again.   Now i'm in gold's with body builders. priceless. 

P.S:  Wilson suggested he and i do this with Joe as the ref.  I'm pretty sure I have the "Act Casual" on lock.