Top love memoirs from my old diary

Even the guy who comes across as freaking jesus himself is a liar. I dont understand why people predicate relationships on games....what happened to brutal honesty?

why do we want the people we can't have and don't want the people who want to have us?

Just look at Cosmopolitan, It's an endless cycle of hurt and deceit...when will the rest of the world be as exhausted as I am...I don't know, i know that boy troubles are really infinitely miniscule in the grand scheme of things. But people are meant for companionship, so when kenny tells me to just take some time off and do my own thing I can't help but feel the loneliness when I turn off my light at night and feel the emptiness of the left side of my bed. It's a strange feeling, not wanting to settle but wanting to settle for anything more than this. Alright honestly, I like being single and I think that i've learned alot about dating and men in the past few months. I've learned that even if someone is great for you on paper you can't force the feelings and sometimes the worst people on paper end up being the ones who you become passionate about. Love is non-sensical, I dont know why I always try and make sense of it. I just end up right where I started.

So in general, at this point on relationships: I don't want to fall asleep at night missing someone. I had such an emotional day, thinking about my dad and everything. I really wanted to go to bed enveloped in someone's arms. Maybe it's the kid in me, I just want to be comforted. I've gotten really good at keeping everyone away from me when i'm like this, hiding out in my room and acting as if everything is perfect. Allison and I call that..Susie. She's better at it than I am, being fake. Not in the typical girl way..but in a way that it seems as if nothing is rumbling beneath your surface. I watched two romantic comedies..27 dresses and What Happens in Vegas; i'm ready for my happy ending. And that's exactly why i'll never get it. Because I want it, you never get what you want. It's fate's cruel sense of humor.

There's a moment, and you want so much to capture it--like a firefly in a jar--a snapshot in the long series of moments that encompass your life. A moment that you know is so monumental and altering in your foundation that you can't help but be outside yourself and so in tune with the white noise inside you at the same time. In that snapshot and address of your core emotions--it all slips away. All the stupid fights, the immature jealousy, the misunderstandings and the miscommunications--the vulnerability of allowing yourself to fall in love, gone. And instead there is this overwhelming sense of serenity and closeness--an intimacy previously untapped. When just one look into the other persons eyes and you know, with everything you've got, that this is your soul mate. You're desperate to stay locked in that moment, feeling like you could do anything and that time is on your side. Whoever said that whole thing about absence making the heart grown fonder had their thumb on something profound. I don't think that being apart is fabulous on relationships but i think it makes you work through the things that weren't working before in order to have solidarity and stability in all aspects, the kind of stability and comfort that makes your smile to yourself when you're driving or an image before you close your eyes at night. Nothing is as sweet without your buddy and nothing as funny when you can't share it or explicate the story over the phone with the same animation you would if they were there. It's terrible to be apart, you want to be together and wake up in the morning knowing you get to share a kiss or even just have your hand held the way you like it. It's not that you are afraid of being alone, but the keen awareness that you get that extra delight in going somewhere or even just grocery shopping is more fun bc you have your favorite person in tow. You take equal joy in their success as you do in your own and aren't held back by jealousy or separate ambitions. In retrospect, although you want to forget the fights that almost broke you and the wounds it's painful to mend--they brought you where you are. It's taken me along time to leave the past in the past, it's a work in progress for life in general-- Perhaps it's better to take a timeout with yourself and fully understand what it is that set you off; and if it's true love, you'll realize that being angry and rightfully pissed is miserable b/c more than anything you want them to grab your hand and not let go, even if you tell them to. It's hard, you're so torn up inside about them making a mistake or saying the wrong thing when all you really want is to FEEL how loved you are--and when you do, it's..tentatively i say this, worth all the tears and boasts of forgetting the entire relationship and moving on. It may be danielle steele writing, but either way i had a moment