I woke up, wrapped in sunshine and Bella for the past two mornings. Something in me feels very light and happy--as if anything is possible and I'm capable of whatever I set my mind to. Everything is easy--I'm free. I can go wherever I want to, do whatever I want, without having any drama to contend with. Any drama that enters my life will be a result of my own actions; not another infringing on me. I really need to be with a man. A man who knows, for lack of a better phrase, how to get shit done. Someone who knows who he is and what he wants. And, most importantly, someone who wants me. Not someone who needs me. This weekend reminded me of who I am, and who I am not. I am not someone who will settle--I will never be the woman that is okay with a luke warm relationship. I think we settle when we don't believe we deserve anything more. I want it all. The best part is, that I have no doubt that I'll get it. I think we would rather stay, apologize too quickly, than fight it out and fight for ourselves.
I went to the gym this morning and mid-work out, I realized something that made me really happy--I'm single :) I'm free. What a change from two years ago when I would have been desperate to find someone to entertain me and all my insecurities. I feel good about myself; I know what I bring to a relationship. I know what I need to work on.
I talked to 'the guy' this afternoon--it's a delicious courtship. I'm in no rush to enter into another relationship, and I'll definitely be taking my time enjoying all the positivity he brings into my life. When I talk to him on the phone, I'm that 12 year old girl twisting the phone cord, biting her lip, with hearts fluttering from her eyes. He's just so good. I thought that when I ended things with the ex that I would be in a tailspin; feeling alone and crashing to the ground. Instead I'm floating, not because I found someone I spark with like fourth of July fireworks, but because I'm allowed to simply be myself..no stress, no pressure, just free.
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