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Sunday, January 17, 2010

Is it weird that I have hunger pains at 2:32 am?

I'll just say it.  I'm in a total... rut. I tried to think of a more exciting way to say it, but there really is none.  Rut.  Hello, Rut where I live. 

I'm in such a rut that I stayed in my pajamas all day long, more than 24 hours.  Pathetic.  Also, such a rut that I made a huge purchase at Victoria's Secret online store and I'm not even a little bit pleased or experiencing buyer's remorse.  Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, rut go away! 

I realized today, laying in bed...in my pajamas...watching Friends re-runs...with the snoring dog...that I have nothing to look forward to lately.  Things are so predictable...I'm bored?  I'm so over myself. 

The worst part of this rut is that it is really, really bad.  I have no appetite, I can't sleep without Nyquil (tonight I have refrained...), I'm missing the zsa zsa zou, there's no hope of a promotion at my job, no way school will be finished until next December, I can't move out until I can work everyday...again, not until after December, I have no desire to do anything really.  What's wrong with me? Complacency...apathy...go away.  I also realized that I haven't even been listening to music lately.  I'm always up to date on new bands, new playlists, etc...and I'm not even doing that.  Like I said, I'm so over myself.

The only time I'm really happy is when I'm at work or at the gym.  Isn't that the opposite of most people?   I think it crushed my spirit a little when I see all the people around me moving up in the work place and I'm just stuck in neutral.  I feel like life is in neutral...with no possible excitement or surprises in the foreseeable future.  

I know that i'm the only person who can change things...so I guess that's just what I need to do.  Oddly, I'm thinking about joining the rock climbing gym.  Where that comes from, I have no idea..I just feel so blah about myself and everything else in general.  Rut...go away! 

Tomorrow I am vowing to go to Spinning...so i'll be waking up in 5 hours.  Ew.  And also, I'm seeing the Lovely Bones.  Then...I work at 7:15 am on Monday.  It'll be a really long day so I hope that I can get my sleep schedule back on track..sans nyquil. 

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