Still waters run deep

"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars...."
-Jack Kerouac

Tomorrow morning we are going to the Grand Canyon--I'm really excited to hike it. I can only hope it won't be a tragic fail like Fossil Creek. We are bringing Bella along for the adventure as well (She's obviously staying at the top...). It'll be good..there is nothing like the sound of feet hitting the pavement to empty your head and heart.

Something is unnerving me today--I can't place my finger on it. Maybe it's nothing..maybe it's everything. If I told you--I'm searching for something but I'm not quite sure what that is yet, would you get it? It's as if I'm so focused that things are becoming blurry--too concentrated.

I had a thought last night when I was talking to Wilson: do you find it strange that I can never see myself being married? Is that normal? This would be a good conversation to have when the girls are all together..get a group consensus and opinion. But, I can't. Sometimes, I have this vision---an aisle with white chairs but the groom is out of focus, unable to be seen. I don't know if that's because right now..I'm really on my own..and that's the way I want it. I used to be more involved in the dating scene..or in dating..or I'm not even sure how to explain, needless to say I was acting my age--but these days...I feel distant from that whole world. The odd thing is I've done it myself. I can go on a date..but I'm not really invested. What a strange thing to admit. Just something that occurred to me last night. I'm tempted to delete this whole paragraph--that's the worst part about writing things--it's easy to erase it and pretend you never had that thought in your head. Amazing how we fluctuate one day to the next. Or maybe it's just me.


These days, it's true-- "Still waters run deep".