Preface to my book

Preface
“It’s the words gone unsaid, unheard--but not unfelt. He was a mystery, is a mystery. He is layers and layers, that have been exposed over time.
We had this amazing magnetism--where with a single look, sparks started flying. Hypnotic undercurrents that made the words unspoken absolutely impossible to be said.
I’m afraid. If I tell him what I want, what I need, that it, him, will disappear like all this chemistry and sexual tension were an unlivable, impossible fantasy.
He moves me.
He has this gaze that makes me suddenly breathless, tongue-tied, helpless.”
“What is it that you want?”
I paused, repeating the question as my fingers rapped against the table, “What do I want? What do I want..?”
In that moment, I was finally honest with myself. My epiphany. The big realization, “I just..I just..want..him.”
The reason I fouled up, said the wrong things, choked and divulged superficial word vomit was because, in spite of everything, I genuinely, haphazardly loved this man. I loved him. I loved him for his complexity, humor, brutal honesty, and strength.
Although we were both survivors--could we survive the roughage of dating? We had put each other through the wringer--with mixed messages, bad timing and pride. But, after time apart, had we healed and grown enough individually to make room for the other? Could we, somehow, make it work?
After everything--would it all add up to nothing?
I knew what I wanted--but then the doubt started washing over me--is it possible that our..chemistry..could outlast all the misunderstandings and confusion? Overcome our pride to lay it all out on the table--to hear the answer to my unaskable question.
I was scared. For the first time in my life, I was going to make the grand gesture. They say love is like jumping off a building, would he be there to catch me? Or was I about to fall flat on my face?
I wasn’t sure if I would survive--I knew I had to find out.
Ready, Set...Leap.