A more honest place.

There's been a shift. I was re-reading my "Pre-Epic Adventure" and I feel so distant from that person. I don't feel like that was me. I feel like that was a semblance of my former self. I'm not sure how to explain this..but I feel like i've let go of my inner demons. I don't feel the weight of my relationship with my father..the world isn't on my shoulders..and I take each day as it comes. The phrase "take it day by day" used to be absurd to me..now it's my mantra. One day at a time. One step at a time.

I've done things I never thought I would do, tried things I never thought I would like, and been places I never thought I would see. I also learned the difference between loneliness and solitude. I have discovered contentment in solitude, but sometimes my life is lonely without your presence.

But, the most important thing I've stumbled upon here..is that my life has been mine.

I've really come into my own and I feel like my life is going to be different now. I feel comfortable in my own skin, aware of my limitations and strengths. I had to confront myself..and I what I found out is that I'm tougher than I thought. Traveling has forced me to become more flexible, patient, and passive. I don't get worked up about delays or staying up all night on buses, trains, or flights--I simply shrug my shoulders, read a book and listen to my iPod. Who would have thought? I also never thought I would love to cook..strange. Or, more importantly, that I would want to become a teacher. I love kids so much and I think teaching is amazing. Everyday is different and you really build relationships with your students. I'm going to wait to do U of A's masters program instead of starting USC in June. It's a 30,000 dollar difference...and I'd rather not start my life in debt...even if I am ready to start teaching asap. Patience.

I think all along my friends have believed in me, I guess it took surviving in a village to make me believe in myself as well. Odd. Maybe we all need to spend 6 months in a village surrounded by farm fields to learn who we really are and what we are made of. Or maybe, we all come into our own at different times in our lives and under varying degrees of pressure and change.

I never thought this experience would change me. Maybe it hasn't changed me as much as it has bettered me? I had alot of things I needed to work on, especially letting people in. I've started thinking that life is too short to keep your guard up, in all relationships, sometimes it's better just to give all of yourself, not half, because I think at the end of the day you get what you give. I hope i'm not as guarded as I used to be, I think I was just so hurt by my father that I didn't ever want to put myself in a position to feel weak or exposed..even to my friends..but I think i've fully healed from that and i'm ready to move on to a better place, a more honest place.

So, that's what was on my mind tonight. I also just procrastinated packing for London. The weekend is going to be rainy and cold (but what else could be expected) and I'm really excited to see my favorite places. I would love to live in London permanently if it weren't for the weather. Rainy days just don't compare to running in the sunshine.

Speaking of which, various teachers have asked me about the colorless circle on my face. I used to have a medium sized freckle and now it's gone, and in it's place is a pinkish-white circle. It's dime sized. I haven't had time to look it up but I think i'm going to have to go to the doctor--Maria Bravo is going on Tuesday and she is going to ask him whether or not I should come in. I'm feeling kind of stupid for not wearing sunblock on my runs now. Vamos a ver. I'm keeping my fingers crossed and trying not to worry about it, it's probably nothing.