No pasa nada.

Worry.

I could have ended my blog at that. Simple, to the point, true. Yesterday, I was laughing at the fact that I created a make-shift closet using a curtain rod, picture-hangers, and a pot as a hammer. Today, life decided to serve me an extra portion of reality.
My Mom has been planning on coming from April 4th-12th since I left. Unfortunately, work is too crazy to leave right now so she has to postpone her trip until the end of April. She’ll either meet me in Madrid on my flight back from Athens or the following weekend in London. It’s not the end of the world, I suppose it’s not even that big of a deal--but I was just missing her recently and counting on a week of epic adventures together. I guess it’s just really disappointing because I went from seeing her next weekend to not knowing exactly when I will see her.
Now, I’m not sure what I’m going to do for Semana Santa because Will is going to Cadiz to vacation with his family and I imagine most of the teachers will go back to their respective towns to visit with their families. So I have a week to try and figure something out. The obvious answer is to stay in Posadas and go to Sevilla and Cordoba to see the festivities on my own accord and write all week. But, I think it would be really depressing to be in Posadas alone knowing everyone else is with their families. Is that juvenile?
The conversation went from bad to worse when I realized that my master’s program stopped accepting applications and won’t accept anymore until August 16th. I wanted to continue teaching while getting my Master’s and the program at U of A is perfect for me. I really want to further my education, teaching, and writing. So now, if all goes well, I would be starting in May 2010. That feels infinitely far away at the moment. What am I going to do in Arizona until then? I’m wondering, just wondering, if it would be better for me to stay and continue teaching here. I just don’t understand why my sense of self-worth is so tied to an occupation.
I was thinking out loud with Will in the kitchen a minute ago, and it occurred to me that all this worry goes against the spanish way of life. Worrying isn’t going to get me anywhere--so why do I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders? I am an avid believer of making lemonade out of lemons. The quote “I just want to do what I want to do” comes from some movie that I can’t think of right now, but it’s replaying in my head. All I want to do is write and teach. So is life..or better yet the economy, going to smite me and my ambitions?
Thinking out loud is my code word for self-soothing. I’m trying to make up back ups for back ups at this point. Sometimes I wish someone would tranq dart me in the neck. There’s really no point in fretting over something beyond my control. Like Juan Manuel says, the only thing I can do is be assertive and confident.
Moving on from my griping, one of my students named Antonio who is in my Bachillerato english class wants to live with my family this summer in Arizona to work on his english. My Mom said of course, and I’m going to tell him on Monday that he can come in July. He wants to stay for a little bit over a month--my mom was like “Oh we can take him to San Diego on vacation with us! Oh and we can take him to the Grand Canyon to go rafting!” So, friends, I may have a comrade from my village kicking it with me in Scottsdale this summer. He’s fabulous and really smart. I’m excited to see his reaction to Scottsdale, I’m sure it’ll be just as shocked as my initial reaction to Posadas. I may have to bring back some jamon to keep him from starving ;)
Missing you.