When you go to the grocery store, office, or gym--are you recognized and stared at? Here, it is impossible to leave your house without being recognized--as you pass, voices are hushed and people just watch you. It's like, this weekend, I suddenly broke out of my bubble and am now painfully aware of what a spectacle I am. I am beginning to feel like I need to walk around like Mary Kate Olsen in layers of clothing, a wig and sunglasses when I want to go undetected.
Whenever I leave my house, I usually love the fact that I always see people I know. I know everybody at the grocery store, I see the same people everyday on my walk to the school, and I always see my students at night when I go to do things. Posadas is only 6,000 people--so small that even people I don't know, know who I am, where i'm from and what i'm doing here. It's mainly nice, but I prefer to be the wall flower, the girl who blends in..I am suddenly becoming self aware and missing anonymity. At home, I can go to the grocery store and not see the same person for over a month, or maybe not even be recognized by the store clerks because they have so many people. Here, I can run a tab at the grocery store, butcher, vegetable shop, clothing store, etc. Ah, the perks of the village life.
But i'm feeling so weird, people are literally always staring at me. When I went to Pozoblanco to visit Claire, people were taking pictures of us eating our pizza. I have been here for two months and I still stick out. So Sunday afternoon, the day of Spanish desolation, I decided to go for a nice long walk around Posadas and find a good spot to sit and read my book. After careful consideration, I decided against wearing a dress like I normally would, and opted for a pair of long khaki shorts, a blue tank and my converse. After about 5 minutes outside, I became aware I was being watched. I looked like a 12 year old boy and a car drove by and yelled "I LOVE YOU!!!"
Normally, I walk around in a little bubble, totally unaware of my surroundings--the sounds of the world dulled by my ipod. A car of 24 y/o boys drove by, reversed onto the sidewalk, and then they insisted on getting out and doing the "double cheek kiss" which I told them was not custom in America and therefore not necessary at this moment (in Spanish). They were shoving their cell phones at me to put in my number. I wanted to die and disappear. I told them they were embarrassing me, etc. I used to get agitated when cars would honk when I was running, now I would appreciate them not stopping, pulling over and following me. Can you fathom the absurdity of the situation? Somehow I translate as big news in a town of 6,000. People pop up all over the places, just staring.
I tried to go sit in the park overlooking the river, but an old woman made me feel awkward as she looked at me like I was some kind of witch or Alien.
I wasn't sure if she was going to burn me at the stake, throw holy water on me, or go home and tell the tale of the strange Rubia who invaded her afternoon. Will agrees, the older people are the most suspicious, they look shocked when they see us. 
(this photo is a perfect example; they are tiny mittens, traditional, and love to gossip!)It's the funniest thing, it's like in the movie "Under the Tuscan Sun" the old man always ignores her, you should watch it. It's not that it's "me" it's anyone who is different. Just take a second of your day to imagine what it would be like to lose your anonymity, suddenly have people watching you.
Either way, eventually, fueled by desperation, I bee lined into Cafe Solar to sit and read in a quiet corner. Low and behold, all of Posadas was hanging out in the cafe and tables of people turned to look at the stranger who had intruded their spot. If you think I'm exaggerating, you have NO idea. I was mentally swearing, annoyed that I couldn't be one of those people who are comfortable in all situations and are able to act oblivious, I ended up buying a take-away dessert for no real reason other than I had no clue what else to do.
I'm just this quiet, boring nobody and all of the sudden, people are nervous around me. On what planet could anyone imagine awkward nerd becoming noteworthy? I'm just excited for people to visit, understand the quiet in a village that is surrounded by farm fields (google earth me like Wilson, it might shock you)
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