Domino Effect

I’ve been thinking--life is more like a game than I ever imagined. Particularly, dominoes. Everything can be seemingly in line..perfect..and you realize that once one domino is out of place..it can ruin everything. It is an agitating process to line them all up again...but what other options do we have?

I’m speaking to the other people who are too critical. We dream big, hope big, and get hurt big. The odd thing is, at the end of the day, we are our harshest critics. I get so frustrated when things don’t go according to plan--and today is one of those days where nothing goes according to plan, in small ways that start adding up. You wouldn’t have noticed, the frustration bubbling under the surface, eminent at 2:40 am.

I wish I knew how to do more things. I hate learning the hard way--fouling it up and then meeting someone who could have told me that 1 + 2 = 3. Cooking is a perfect example. I wanted to do something simple, bake chocolate chip cookies. Maybe I’m homesick, maybe I’m wanting to be more betty homemaker, maybe I’m just unrealistic. It’s simple right, baking chocolate chip cookies? Wrong. Good luck going into a rural supermarket looking for flour, baking soda, and the most difficult--chocolate chips & vanilla extract. It’s all in SPANISH. And FYI..vanilla extract is not commonplace..not to mention converting litres into cups. Three grocery stores later, and one electronic store. I’ve substituted vanilla extract for vanilla powder. I also substituted a simple baking sheet for a 9 euro baking pan. I should have thought this out, but I’m always one step ahead of myself. It’s almost like I set myself up for failure, with ideas too big, too out of my own reach. I know, it’s chocolate chip cookies--not really that big of an idea, but it’s more than that. It’s me.

Backing up a bit, to prove my point, I was set on going running today even though I still have that weird lingering cough and the weather is gray, dreary, and drizzly. It had to happen. Nonetheless, I went to school to work on my lesson plan in my running gear...dressed with purpose. On my walk home, the cold chilled me and threatened to overtake my determination. Another layer of under armor and I was on my way, jogging without direction behind Will (who is training for the marathon). We ran over the train tracks, through the mud, up into the farm fields, up the steepest hill of my life and over a bridge, back down through the back of the farm fields, which an interminable amount of time later led us back into the perimeter of town. 40 minutes later, about the time my lower abdomen was burning, rain started sprinkling....and then in unison with my feet hitting the mud--it turned into a horrific torrential downpour. I looked at the castle in the distance, contemplating the stark contrast between rural farm fields and an amazing fortress in the horizon--but my cramp got more severe and the rain soaked my clothes through. Blinking rain drops out of my eyes, I split up from Will, ducked under the train tracks in the underground tunnel (exchanged “uh-ohs” and “awww poor girl” looks with a cute couple waiting for the bus) and jogged off the cramp all the way to my dry apartment. Weather won that round.

Fast forward to the epic grocery store extravaganza..After putting it off all weekend, I finally decided to make fajitas. A night of culinary trials. I was really excited about the guacamole, since we couldn’t find tortillas, it was my reassurance: And then I cut into dark brown, molding avocados. All four of them, dark..molding..inedible. The fajita seasoning smelled like barbeque. The make-shift tortilla..the PITAS..were stale and tiny. I put the avocados in a bag to take back to Dia, to show the woman who picks out the vegetables what she gave me. I was so mad. Will said we should just laugh about it and go to the butcher from now on, so we can pick our own vegetables. It’s just like..really? I just miss food. It’s simple--you buy yogurt that looks like familiar packaging and you get something that tastes completely different. You buy fajita seasoning and get smoky barbeque. It’s not the end of the world, by any means, but it’s a different world and sometimes I miss Pei Wei, Paradise Bakery, and Szechuan Omei. Tomorrow I’m going to attempt the cookies...if you never hear from me again it’ll be because my head exploded from the habitual epic failure of attempting to become a spanish Martha Stewart :)