Baby left last night at 4am..I didn't want him to get out of bed. There's nothing more soothing than having someone you love next to you--I like waking up and looking over at him, it brings a sense of comfort and is always a good way to start the day. It's going to be really dififcult to get through the summer without him by my side...if I think about it too much i'll get really sad. I just don't want to have to say goodbye..even it's for about 10 mondays..right
It would be easier if i was going to be in phoenix over the summer--but i'm going solo and going to be incredibly independent and forge my own path. It reminds me of when i was younger and habitually being the new kid--it's never easy and always scary and intimidating; i'm just worried I won't make any friends and i'll be lost and a loser who never goes out and does anything fun.
I'm really scared about it..part of me is wanting to remain in the moment of finals and stressing about work and bemoaning how busy I am; but in actuality i want to cling to sitting on the sofa with my bestfriends joking around and being silly, being able to hold my boyfriends hand whenever I want, and knocking on my roomies door when I want company. How bizarre--I just need to remember it's a reprieve not permanent. Amy and Kevin are apart majority of the year and I finally understand why it is so hard for her to be with him--because when you spend your time missing someone you feel a little bit empty inside
I just want to be excited but everytime I think about packing up my stuff I get a little lump in my throat; but I miss my family so much and I want some time for myself to recenter things; it's been a very traumatic semester--instead of looking to other people for a remedy, I want to be able to find it within myself and my own reflections. Last night when I was studying for Brit Lit, or moreover freaking out about it, I re-read Emerson's Self-Reliance and I was so inspired...I should read it on the plane. Lean towards The self-soothing method opposed to the focker method lol. It's just so unfortunate that the least portion of the year with everyone is based around stress and being overwhelmed; you don't take a moment and appreciate you'll never be doing this exact thing ever again.
Contrary to what the cynics say, distance is not for the fearful. It's for the brave. Its for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those who know a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough.
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