Sunday nights

The rain is pelting on the windows and soaking everything outside..I love the smell of tucson rain.

I went on a great run tonight down greasewood, I saw a rainbow between the massive gray clouds and a beautiful sunset with hot pink and orange standing out from the bland rainy sky. It was so nice to be out with just the sound of my music, my feet against the pavement and my thoughts. A lot of people don't like running and I figured out what it is about running that I love so much. The only person that can keep me going is me, I can sprint out anger, run away from anybody, leave the whole world behind in my dust. The burn of my lungs and tension in my muscles is the most healing feeling, it's like letting out everything that makes you seethe in a 45 minute period.

Anyways this weekend was really enlightening and strange at the same time. I got work off Thursday and ended up going to denton's and hanging out. He seems like such a genuine person and it's so refreshing not to feel like it's another douchebag just trying to get down my pants..as cliche as that sounds.

Speaking of duplicitous people..KEVIN texted me on saturday. I haven't spoken to him since before May..so what is the point of texting me..i obviously have no desire to even maintain a friendship. Anybody who is sketch..can leave me be. I'm too upfront and honest to deal with people who are deceptive. I felt awkward because Denton was with me..I think to someone who doesn't know where i'm coming from, I could be construed as all over the place. I've been keeping to myself lately, it's not that I want to be spending time with anybody..it's that I want to be spending time with somebody. FYI to any girl in the world..being single is a better place than settling or putting up with more drama than you have to.

In general I wish I...well whatever, I guess I still play games... I guess we all play games. but shoot, dating is so awkward! it's too soon to be on a close knit basis, but at the same time I feel like I have no footing and don't know how to act or where my boundaries are. Maybe that's the fun of it or something.

Something that has been nagging me is that Kenny made a comment that I just need to be single for longer.. It gets under my skin because I have always been irritated with women who can't be independent without a man in their life. I know this more than anyone, i've had to be independent my entire life. My mom is amazing..if she were still allowing herself to be dependant on my father--where would she be? Please. I think in actuality i'm too independent to be in a relationship. I like doing my own thing, and if a guy fits..great..if not..I'm good :)